My Little Town... what you are about to read is 100% true! I absolutely love living in Virginia Beach... a quaint, semi-hip, sprawling, sleepy suburban beach community on the Chesapeake Bay, with nearly half a million quaint, semi-hip, sprawling, sleepy residents. Year after year, we consistently have the lowest crime rates of cities our size in the USA. Hell, I even refer to my beloved city as "Mayberry-By-The-Sea". Oh, I'm sorry.... we're not allowed to swear on the streets of this fair burg. The Law can and will give you a ticket! No, no... I assure you I am NOT shi-- I mean not "kidding" you! Down at the oceanfront, itself, you will see these very signs posted on lamp posts all along the strip. Gotta keep this town free of bad words!
"NO CUSSING!" And we MEAN it!
Speaking of The Law: Earlier this spring the US Department of Justice brought suit against the City of Virginia Beach for discriminatory hiring practices in our Police Department. Specifically, the math section of the police officer exam discriminates against blacks and hispanics. It seems that 85% of white applicants passed the math portion, where as only 66% of hispanics and only 59% of blacks were able to pass the math section. Conclusion: USDJ's investigation "proved" that Virginia Beach's math test was discriminatory.
What?? I mean, can't we conclude that perhaps those who cannot pass the math are just dumb-asses? Uh oh... sorry.... I might get a "cussing ticket" for saying that out loud here!! Might I also point out that there are practice tests available online, and applicants are allowed to take the test more than once if they don't pass!
One of our local news channels got hold of a sample test online and randomly stopped in at a nearby karate dojo, and asked the third and fourth grade aged boys who were there to do the math test. They passed with flying colors and thought the test was "easy".
Here are some sample questions from the test:
1. $314 x 5 = ?
2. 10% of $87,000 = ?
3. Kevin climbed on the roof of his house to clean his gutters. The roof was 20 feet high. How high is the roof in inches?
4. Your daughter asked you to buy the rest of her Girl Scout cookies. She has 30 boxes left and all the boxes add up to $150. What is the average cost per box?
So the City's answer to the USDJ suit was to roll over and cower because the Race Card was played on them, and "dumb down" the test scoring to keep Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton away. Personally, I'd be offended if I were a minority... to think that my brain power is somehow inferior to that of whites and I wasn't capable of passing the test. By the way, this same test is given by dozens of police forces in other cities throughout the country. There's also going to be a settlement of just over a hundred bucks to each applicant who could not pass the math test and was "unfairly denied" a position on our police force because the test was too hard.
The good news is.... if you get busted for going 75 mph in a 45 mph zone... odds are the cop won't be able to calculate exactly how much over the limit you were going, and you'll probably not get a reckless driving charge!
And then there's The Rev. Pat Robertson, right here in our own backyard and embarassing us regularly. In the last few days, he revealed on The 700 Club that God spoke to him in January, and let him know that we were headed for horrible storms this hurricane season, and that the Pacific Northwest could see a devastating tsunami-like disaster hitting them as well. Of course, he waited to announce this during the May Sweeps on his TV show! And to think if he told us soon after The Almighty spoke to him, Seattle could have been preparing all these months!
Besides calling for the assasination of Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez on air during The 700 Club, The Right Reverend regularly takes credit for "praying away" hurricanes from hitting us in Virginia Beach every year. Of course, that means it's okay to devastate another city instead, right Pat?
All this entertainment, right here in Mayberry-By-The-Sea, at no extra charge in our tax base. Ah, nowhere else but Virginia Beach! I love this @#$%! place!!
:) -Six 
